Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
