the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
