Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
