the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
