everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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