I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
