I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
