Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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