i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
