I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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