You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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