based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
