I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
