my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
