Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
