I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
