Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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