i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
