his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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