Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
