Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
