Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
