Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
