And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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