Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
