My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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