I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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