I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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