Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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