1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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