I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
