The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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