remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
