She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
