I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
