The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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