if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
