morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
