So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
