I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
