It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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