What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
