pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
