Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
