I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
