Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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