giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
