drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
