i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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