the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
