Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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